"I’d love to have a cuddle fight darling but things are going to start burning soon and it won’t be just me that’s running hot, would you like a t-shirt."

"Yes please flower and a fresh cup of tea would be nice." I turn all the rings off and then go for a search in the wardrobe, about three down is a Hobgoblin lagerboy t-shirt, that will do a treat. "Here you go treasure," "Come here flower, I need a kiss and a cuddle to motivate me." I go to the bed and lie beside her, Jenny has got herself back under the duvet and sleeping bag, and is as snug as the proverbial bug in a rug, I decide to motivate her in a most surprising way, if I can get away with it, I can see she is drifting or pretending to drift again, I sneak into my side of the bed, and burrow down slowly, if I can get anywhere near her sex, I hope to kiss her awake, I may hear another loud eeek! And get belted by a pillow or fist, but as they say no pain, no gain. I am halfway down the sleeping bag close to the fold between leg and torso, a few more inches, I am just above her pussy, do I dive in with a raspberry or sneak in and give puss a kiss, softly softly, I am above her puss, I stick my tongue out and move toward her centre, as soon as my tongue enters her slit there is a loud sigh and Jenny’s hands push me into her, a little more penetration and the eeek! rings in my ears. I surface and give her a gentle kiss.

"Was that nice, my love?" "I could easily get to like it." "How do you feel about a cold cooked breakfast?" "No thanks" "I am sorry to say that I turned all the rings off at least two minutes ago, how do you suggest I evict a little bed monster from its pit, ahh, I remember, bed monsters are very ticklish, especially on the feet and under the arms, insy wincy spider, oh look the bed monster has arisen. Hello treasure, I love you so much." And I kiss her forehead and eyes then her lips. I leave the bed and restart the breakfast, with a bit of luck I should be able to make it edible at least, ten inch on low to medium, bacon on high, small pan on high with a tablespoon of oil in for Jenny’s egg, "Your egg is going in now" I say as I crack the egg "would you like me to carry you into the awning for your breakfast" and I open the door to emphasise the point.

"Ok, I give up, close the door please so I can put a t-shirt on." I close the door and Jenny comes to me nude and glorious, I feel a tear forming in my eyes, how can the gods put so much beauty in such a small packet? I drop to my knees and kiss her tummy and then arise and tend to her egg, Jenny turns to pick up the t-shirt and yelps, "You could have told me it is nearly ten o’clock" "Would you have listened, my treasure?" "You are to blame, giving me two gorgeous orgasms before breakfast has made me very relaxed and sleepy." Again I turn all the rings off get two plates and start to plate up, that done I pour two mugs of slightly stewed tea and open the door, Jenny moves towards the door and I am about to give way to her then whisper; "Are you wearing any panties yet," This time the hem nearly makes it down to knee level before she dashes out of the doorway onto the bed.

Going into the top draw she gets a pair of white panties out and puts them on. "I think you are being really horrible to me this morning, letting me nearly go out in just a very short t-shirt." I just chuckle and remind her; "Congealed breakfast if you don’t hurry" within a minute we are tucking in, before ten minutes have passed the plates are cleared and we both stretch in contented silence for a couple of minutes;

"Stay there for a moment please; I want to get my camera." I practically run into the caravan, grab camera and flashgun, and am sitting down again, I have to lean a few inches to my left, wait for the gun to charge, and ‘flash’ one done, change a setting, ’flash’ another one, change again, ‘flash’ a third time, that should do, no, one more, back-lit setting, flash on "smile please treasure," on the ‘treasure’ I snap, ’flash’ done. And within a few more seconds the random reflections of sunlight from mirrors, windows or solar panels had gone. One of these pictures would be blown up to A2 or bigger and framed; if only I had my laptop here I could have shown her. Jenny’s hair was in total disarray, she hadn’t brushed or combed it, the reflection of the sunlight from one of the surfaces had given the light a ruddy tinge and as Jenny was being lit from behind, it appeared as though she had a halo about her face, the flash in at least one of the pictures should have illuminated her face without dimming the halo, If one of the pictures was close, Photoshop could perfect it. I have a look at all the images, and select the best, that’s the one I’ll use, I select a runner up and then have a fiddle with the camera, resizing the image, changing contrast, and so on, save the image and put the camera down.

"Don’t I get to have a look?" Jenny asks, "Of course love, once we go in the van, it’s too bright out here to see the screen properly, do you fancy a decent cup of tea love, that last one was stewed" "Yes please my flower, I had better get into some clothes before everybody comes up here" "Ok love, I will start on the washing up, If you would care to get washed and dressed first, then I will follow after." Jenny goes into the van and I show her the picture I had played with. "Wow, is that me, it makes look like a glossy model, I know the camera doesn’t lie, but you are making it tell a lot of half truths aren’t you?"

"No, not at all love, what you see is what was there; all I can do to the picture in the camera is resize, zoom and change the colour balance." First on my list is to put on a kettle of water for a brew and turn off the water heater, the heater is showing a red light, pooh, probably ran out of gas, try to light a ring, nothing. I tap on the bathroom door and tell Jenny, the water may not be hot; I am going to change the gas bottle, back in a minute.

"Ok my flower" as I leave the awning I give Tribal a wave, they are getting kitted up to go down to town, If Michael works them until four o’clock, they won’t be running up the hill later! At the front of the van I change over the gas regulator to the other bottle, lockup and go back in. "All done love, don’t come out for a moment, I have to fire up the fridge." Once the fridge is on I get up and put the kettle on; "Ok to come out love," "Do we have visitors yet?" Jenny asks. I look out of the door and then reply, "All clear love," Jenny comes out of the bathroom bare, I know I shouldn’t look, but the more I see of Jenny’s pubes the more I like the colour." That feels better, I had a good strip wash and dry, I would have liked to have washed my hair as well but it takes an age to dry. "What would you like to see me to wearing today my flower?" "I like what you’re wearing now," I turn towards her and hold her round her waist, I tip my head forward and kiss her gently and long, after a few seconds Jenny’s arms go round my neck and her tongue comes out to play, I would like to play for longer, but time must be getting on. "I am sorry to spoil the fun love but we may have guests soon." "That’s ok my flower, I will stay like this, if I look so good." Jenny sits on the bed, I kneel in front of her and looking her in the eye,

"I would gladly see you like this all day, but I don’t want to share your beauty with anyone". I bend slightly to get level with her boobs, I kiss one then the other, and bending over further I blow a kiss in the general direction of her puss. "You choose what to wear darling, from what we bought and I know you will look good." I must start the washing up love, and then have a wash and get changed. Jenny puts my Hobgoblin Lagerboy t-shirt back on and after taking another pair of panties from the top draw, puts on the short green skirt;

"Could you do your trick with a bandana again please?" "Give me a couple of minutes please love, once the washing up is done I can leave them to drain for a bit." Just the last pan to wipe out and I’m done. "Ok love, Let’s look at you, I go to the wardrobe and get all my bandanas, I need a reddish hued one, This will do a treat, I fold it as before and drop to my knees in front of Jenny and reaching round her place the bandana around her hips and tie it on her left hip I arrange the t-shirt and its artwork, I stand up and look at her, I have done better, "I’m going to try something different," I take off the bandana and fold it differently to resemble a narrow diamond, this I tie in the same way but on the other hip, off my knees and a look, that’s better, I lift it up an inch on the left hip that looks good. "There you go love, have a look, what do you think?" "I don’t know how you do it, this looks very good, thank you my flower" "Thank you love, do I get a kiss as a reward." Jenny looks up to me and I get a nice lip massage. "I may have said this before, but I don’t half love you. Now I must do the drying up and then get washed and changed."

"I’ll do the drying, my flower, you go and wash," "Thank you treasure." I go into the bathroom and have a strip wash, it’s quicker than normal we are about to run out of water, I am going to taste toothpaste, until I have fetched more water. I come out of the bathroom in a towel, Jenny has just finished putting away. I go to the draw and find some pants, widders t-shirt and light grey trousers from the wardrobe, it’s going to be a warm sunny day according to Michael, and my high gloss, aerodynamic, total lack of hair, style head requires that I wear a bandana, Jenny isn’t going to need a blue bandana, I will use that one. Jenny comes to me for a kiss and a cuddle, as we finish she gives my old man a squeeze, "I’ll give you a proper cuddle tonight, my flower."

"Thank you love,I have to get some more water, could you look after Blackwater until I get back." "Are you taking the car this time?" "No love it’s only the aqua roll this time, see you in a little bit." I go to the front locker for the handle, and disconnect the barrel. It’s a lovely day, the sun has cleared the trees on the other side of the field, the air is beautifully clear, the aircraft leaving London city airport are so easy to see. It is all uphill to the scout tents-they do breakfasts, supply bin bags, issue performer badges and walk around the campsite as a form of low level security- then down to the tap. It takes an age to get all forty litres, but I want a shower tonight. Hauling the water back seems a lot easier this time, on the way back I see Blackbird going down to town followed by Annie’s Fantasies. I get back to the van and reconnect the water supply. I am about to go into the van to hang the keys up, "Hang on flower, just a moment please." I think to myself,’ I have seen her nude, why so bashful, still, as I have no urgent need to get in the van I might as well wait outside’, it’s pretty warm in the awning so before I leave I start to open the vents to let a bit of air through. As I open the front side vent I see Blackwater approaching, a full set with chairs and fully laden by the looks of it.

"Jenny, guests coming now." "Be out in a minute love, do you think they will want some tea?" "I doubt it." I unzip the awning as they draw near. "Welcome to my little den of iniquity, how are we all this morning. Jenny will be out in a moment or three, make yourselves comfy." We are just settled nicely, when Jenny calls,

"Is Sue there, can she come in please?" Sue gets up and gives me a ‘what’s going on look’ all I can do is shrug my shoulders and lift my eye brows, ‘as if I’m supposed to know’. I hear giggles from in the van, Ken looks at me, I look back with another shrug, "I have absolutely no idea what’s going on, Jenny was in the van when I left on the water run, and I don’t think she has been out since. Anyone fancy a beer to be going on with; once the ladies are out of course, you will have the choice of Hen, Hobgoblin or Abbot." I think it was Hen all round, but I’ll bring out a fair selection when I can get in the van. The door opens and Sue comes out, grinning from ear to ear, staying by the door she announces, in her best posh voice.

"My lords, Ladies and all that tosh, please be upstanding for our May Queen, – Miss Jennifer Anne Saunders – and Sue stands to one side as Jenny comes out, you could hear the eyes snapping open and the necks creaking as we stretched for a better look. I have said she was beautiful, stunning, and a few other superlatives, but now I can only say I was gobsmacked, Jenny had been making up, doing her hair and nails, and quite a few other things probably, her hair was up, plaited in a Celtic style, her makeup could have been professionally applied ready to go on the front cover of a fashion glossy, and the green monsoon dress looked as though it had been made to measure to the millimetre I thought it would look good, but perfection like that does not come off the peg, and to find it in a charity shop is a once in a lifetime stroke of luck, and with luck like that I must ask her for her lottery numbers.

"As I said before, my treasure, how could they get so much beauty in such a small parcel? Now having seen the dress on, how would your gran’s brooch look on there now, is it too old fashioned?" Her eyes start to fill, "Don’t cry treasure," I go to her and hold her, and whisper, "I’m sorry love, I didn’t want to upset you, I have never seen anyone as lovely as you today, was this for me, for everybody, or for yourself and your confidence,"

"It was for us, are you pleased with the result?" "Yes darling, like I said, you are truly beautiful," To the rest of us I say, "You know it’s all downhill now I will never be able to make her look better than this. So I am going to drown my sorrows, who wants to join me?" Without waiting for an answer I go into the van and pass out a dozen cans, Sue takes the cans and puts them on the table as Jenny takes my seat I bring out our tankards, glasses and the wine that Jenny and I started with our evening meal last night, I ask Jenny, "What do you reckon, love, drinkable or brush cleaner?" "Brush cleaner, even with your gas gizmo, it will be horrible"

"ok love, I’ll try it first," I pull the cork and pour an inch into my glass, I do the full bit, checking colour, bouquet, and taste, there might be a slight edginess to the wine that wasn’t there yesterday, but I think it’s still drinkable. "You try love," I pass my glass to Jenny, "cheers my flower" and Jenny takes a few little sniffs, gives me a look, and takes a sip, her eyes open wide, that’s brilliant flower, it’s hardly changed at all." Sue breaks into the conversation. "Jenny, can I ask why you call Frank ‘flower’ or ‘my flower’ " "It’s just our version of love, sweetest, darling etc." "But why flower, I can see lots of Mickey taking opportunities with that." "I couldn’t find a term of endearment that Frank reacted to in any positive way, so I asked him what he would like me to use, and he picked up on a conversation we had Saturday morning about depression, we have both been there, where all you can see are weeds and Frank said he wanted see some flowers, for me he has been a flower so I told him to look inside himself, he may well see a flower."

"Pardon me for asking, but you don’t look the type to be a depressive." "Oh I‘ve had my moments, Mum was killed when I was ten, all of senior school was a nightmare, I was bullied horribly, Dad died abroad when I was twenty three, not long after Erica, my elder sister got married, I felt deserted, there was no one to talk to, no shoulder to cry on, that was not a good year for me. I thought things had turned a corner when I met up with David, I was normal, and when he asked me away for this weekend, I was so happy, almost walking on air. Then the rug was pulled from under me and I could see it all starting again, I had never heard of Frank’s definition of depression from anyone, but it was so in tune with how I felt, and it showed me a way out. I honestly think Frank saved me."

"Excuse me please ladies, I need to get my camera, These images needs to be recorded for posterity," I get past Jenny and Sue and bring camera and flashgun out, Standing by the caravan door I am looking into the light again but the sun is higher, giving a much softer diffuse light through the top of the awning, using the flash at a low power setting should illuminate her face without giving a studio look, I take a couple like this, turn up the flash power, that will mute the background, do another couple.

"That’s enough pictures of me, how about someone taking a couple of us together, please my flower." Ken volunteers to be cameraman, and he orders the pair of us outside, everybody else follows, Ken has us posing in front of the awning, I am not so keen on this as we are looking towards the sun, I suggest we pose with our backs to the Blackwater end of the field with the sun over our right shoulders, this avoids us squinting, Ken fires off half a dozen quickly then has us move at ninety degrees towards each other, he takes a few more;

"Go on then how about a kiss," "No thanks, Ken, you’re not my type," I riposte, the old ones are always the best. I turn further to face Jenny; "How do you feel about kissing for a photo?" I soon find out as Jenny again comes up to me placing her arms around my neck, a lip massage rapidly turns into a tongue fight and after less than ten seconds I have to break the kiss. "Sorry again sweetheart, you were getting me overheated." I whisper into her ear, Jenny replies in a whisper, I’m glad you can act as our safety valve, I was getting worked up as well." "Come on you two, stop whispering sweet nothings, we want some pictures for the scrap book that don’t have an eighteen rating." This was from Sue. I reply, "I thought the scrap book was side members only, otherwise you would have thousands of photos in there." Ken replies with, "If you think you and your lovely...What, Girlfriend, affianced, lover, I don’t know what label or name fits, it’s none of my business, is going to get away from us, you have another think coming, both of you have already been discussed by the side and we want both of you in the side, so there, you’ve been out voted." Jenny puts her view forward with;

"I like the way our lives are being pre planned for us, when are we going to be given our scripts? So that we can do what we’re told when it is convenient for everyone else." While this tirade was going on Jenny was squeezing my hand, releasing and increasing pressure, in time with her little rant. "If I were to ask Frank to marry me and move out to Stortford while we rent out his house, do you think we would drive to the coast every week to practice, these are our lives, and we will run them how we want to. Thank you." She then takes a bow, and looking straight at Ken says;

"Right little diva aren’t I." "You had me going there for a moment" Says Ken; "I thought I’d dropped a big one, Frank, if I were you I’d get on one knee, ask her and when she says yes make sure ‘obey’ is in the vows." "This time yesterday they were betting beer on whether we were emotionally connected, now I’m practically under orders to propose, what do you have to say, my treasure?" "Is there any more wine, my flower?" "I’ll go look treasure; I think there must be half a glass left. Can I have my camera please Ken?" Ken gives me my camera and before I go for Jenny’s wine I snap a couple of candid shots, back in the awning I pour the rest of the wine into Jenny’s glass and take a sip, yes, definitely edgy seems a lot worse than half an hour ago, I take the wine out to Jenny, she takes a sip and pulls a face, "Flower, have you tried this." "Yes, most definitely past its best, I’m amazed at how fast it has gone downhill." Sue overhears our conversation,

"Could I have a taste please, I don’t know what I am looking for but if you can both tell its going; I should be able to detect something." Sue takes a slurp,

"It seems a bit harsh, I wouldn’t want to drink too much of it."Sue gives me the glass and wanders over to Kath and Richard.

"Treasure, would you like a Hobgoblin," "Yes please flower, then can we take a wander and talk" "I’ll tell Blackwater we are going walkabout, I can lock up and leave the beer on the table, they might wait around for us they might not, and I’m not worried either way." Ken has gone into our awning and is having another beer, I pick up my camera, fill my tankard with hobgoblin and pickup the other half of Jenny’s hobgoblin. "Jenny and I are going walkabouts for half an hour, Blackwater, collectively are more than welcome to stay and help yourselves to beer, if you leave, please put the booze under the van and zip the awning, We will see you here or at the Gordon lunchtime, is that ok?"

"Fine plan, Frank. If or when you pop the question, and she says yes if she wants someone to give her away can you book my place at the front of the queue, I know I’ve known her less time than you but she can easily get to a person, you and her are like peas in a pod, she’s special, see you later." I get back to Jenny and top up her tankard then take the empty back to the van, When I return to Jenny’s side it looks like she is about to start crying so my arm goes around her back to rest on her hip and I ask her to look at me, and after a quick peck on the lips, I ask "Where do you fancy going walkabouts, my love?"

"Just do a lap of the field, let’s head down towards Blackwater’s end first and walk round the running track." "Is the pressure getting to you love, I know what it’s like with Ken and co, they will run weaker spirited people’s lives for them, given half a chance, I find it best to bend with the pressure and then do exactly what you want to, if you show the character to do what you want and go for it, they will bend with the pressure." "It’s not all Ken and Sue, I am adding to the problem, making promises I don’t think I can keep, this morning I practically promised you we would make love tonight, and I don’t think I can." Jenny turns to me and starts crying, it’s seems to me that she has been fretting over this for a while. "Don’t cry about that, I have been straining my brain trying to think of a way to not make love tonight that wouldn’t leave you feeling rejected or unloved, I could never do that, It’s sort of tricky to explain why, because there is more than one reason and I can’t put them into any sensible order." "You don’t have to put them in order, just list them." "Ok, first and simplest, is the old caravanning adage, ‘if it’s rocking, don’t come knocking’ I won’t be able to always make the earth move for you, but it’s easy to make the caravan move and the bed and springs to squeak in time with it, there is no privacy in a van, everybody knows exactly what you’re doing. Next, I suppose, I should tell you a story, years and years ago in the oh so depressing seventies, I was out on a bike ride with my girl friend at the time around Alton water, We had just pedalled then pushed our bikes up a fairly steep part of one of the valleys around it.

"Fuck me, I’m knackered" Janet said. "No thanks, but thanks for the offer." "What do you mean?" She asked "I am not a great believer in sex before marriage; it’s well known that the adolescent male brain migrates from his skull to his dick in his teens and doesn’t return until his thirties or marriage, he is supposedly incapable of telling the difference between love and lust. We can still do lots of things, but no sex, no pregnancy, no hassle." We were a lot closer after that, we didn’t split up until about a year later. I’ve only had two sex partners in my life; I really do wish it had been only one.

"So you’re saying we won’t have sex until after we are married, if we marry." "No, my brain has migrated back into my skull, I can tell the difference between lust and love, the physical and emotional aspects of our relationship, the distinction between the two was important to me then, and needed to be kept separate, now I’m a lot older, experienced, and hopefully wiser, I don’t need that bar or block on the physical side of a relationship, I can enjoy the whole glorious experience at once. What about you? How do you feel about us, our relationship and sex? I know you’re a virgin and have no experience of sex, but sex and its consequences carry such an emotional and physical responsibility for a female it must make a tremendous difference to how you feel about it."

"On an instinctive level I have to admit sex scares me, I know it will hurt the first time, that’s not what I mean, I know, in here and here" pointing to head and heart "that sex is the way we procreate, and that I assume, is the emotional and physical responsibilities that you meant. The Pill, the welfare state, and my personal wealth should mean that I can control most aspects of the consequences of sex, up here in my head I know that but here in my heart, I know I have as much control as a snowflake in an Antarctic blizzard; if a man hits all the right buttons, no, that’s not right, if a man ticks all the boxes that my genes tell me would make him a good father of my children then he will probably be the one to inseminate me. Thankfully we no longer live in that sort of survival society, but all us females still carry the genetic programming that will keep the species going after Armageddon.

"I never thought of procreation in that way, it must make it very, very difficult to sort your emotional and physical desires. If there is reincarnation I wouldn’t fancy coming back as a female and having to handle that sort of load." I say, and Jenny continues,

"As a guide to how this may possibly work in real life, I can quote you one example, at college I became good friends with a Goth girl, she was eighteen and had her life planned, she had found the man who was to father her children, next on her list was to find a dad for her children, finally she wanted a council house. That was her life, how she wanted it to be, I often wondered why she came to college, when I asked her "to meet men, find a dad for my kids." that is all. She dropped out at the end of the college year. I haven’t seen her since."

We have now nearly finished going round the semicircle at the bottom end of the track, "time for a bit of misdirection love, there will be a line of sight across the field to our van in a few yards and I think Blackwater are out and all looking this way, shall we have a cuddle or walk separately. "Arm in arm and a lovely kiss from my flower would be just what his girlfriend ordered, thank you." We pass another tent and move together for our kiss, as has happened before, we begin with a gentle lip massaging kiss, within a few seconds the temperature begins to rise steadily, and it isn’t all down to the sun, our tongues play in each other’s mouths for a short while until a ladies voice announces.......

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