Why My Dad Calls Me Egg
Published on Nov 19, 2015
The story of how I got the nickname most commonly used by my family members
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egg
why my dad calls me
Any of you who are familiar with Arrested Development should understand how this has sort of come to be an unfortunate nickname.
Photo by Steve A Johnson
when i was like, 5
it all started
I promise, I usually looked happier than this.
in the living room
were me and my little sister, madison
Wearing pajamas *WITHOUT* shoulder pads - imagine that!
were our hippy parents
in their bedroom waaaaay down the hall
All the photo albums are in southern California, so this photo taken with my mother a few years later will have to do.
she likes collecting stuff.
a note about my mom:
dragony, unicorny stuff.
mostly,
You know, the kind of stuff you can pick up at a Renaissance Faire.
Photo by Mista Sparkle
highly breakable materials.
typically made of
Like glass, and ceramic, and porcelain, and really soft pewtery stuff.
Photo by miskan
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you know, the kind you don't want your kids touching.
sooooo here we were,
watching like, ninja turtles or something
I couldn't find an older, more true-to-the-original Leonardo, so this new-fangled one will have to do.
Photo by ajmangan.am
painted with a unicorn
and i noticed this fancy goose egg
Like something from a fairy tale!
Photo by Gerg1967
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i knew two things about eggs:
1: they're fragile
but who cares because
2: babies come out of them
and who doesn't love babies?
(I mean, my mom sure seemed to like making them happen in her tummy and buying plastic ones for me.)
so i climbed up the bookshelf
like some chubby little mountain goat
Fact: baby goats are called "kids." I'm not joshing you; look it up.
Photo by bulliver
riding my baby unicorn
fantasizing about going to school
I still get butterflies in my stomach thinking about arriving at ANY scene on a freakin' unicorn.
Photo by xavi talleda
with my grubby little hands
I carefully carried it back down
(Once I figured out that this image seemed to be from an art installation, I was a little less weirded out by it and was alright with using it in this deck.)
Photo by ryry9379
"Noooo Erin,"
madison was all like,
"Mom's gonna be so maaad,"
dooooing?"
"What are you
(Bet you didn't see THAT coming.)
"Shut up! i'm gonna have a unicorn."
and i was like,
"Pshh. Kids."
where i could keep it safe,
so i got it all situated on the floor
That wasn't our living room, but the carpet was EXACTLY LIKE THAT AND I WAS SO HAPPY THIS IMAGE CAME UP WHEN I SEARCHED FOR "SHAG CARPET!"
Photo by army.arch
crunch under my butt.
and the eighth of a second it took to
I even still remember the hollow, collapsing sound.
but my mom?
she didn't talk to me for a few days,
superglued it back together.
as she meticulously
Yeah, that's the original one. I texted her to snap a photo of it and send it my way so I could tell our story to the entire internet.
