The Doubting Twin

It’s a small, persistent voice that drives self-respect into a corner:

She’s so much better than you
Look how thin she is
You’ll never be as good as he is, so why bother

It’s clever. No one else can hear the challenge; no one else realises the power it wields as it drones on relentlessly

Are you sure that’s the right choice?
I’ve never heard of anyone else behaving in that way
That’s just embarrassing – what would they say if they knew?

Some days the voice is quieter, swept up in the flow of success – those are such good days!

Other times it yells, overwhelming any sense of purpose and sucking all the joy out of life.

It’s the alter ego that’s determined to keep us in our place, lest we achieve more than would be seemly for……… what exactly?

Untitled Slide

• What is the benefit of maintaining a self limiting position in the world?
• Why does the worm not turn and fight back?
• Who would we have to become if it was silenced once and for all?

It would mean giving The Fearless Twin some airtime.

It would mean listening to the one that believes the evidence of her eyes and is willing to accept just how good she is; just how much potential she holds.

I have met some of these women who manage to overcome the doubting voice or never gave it oxygen in the first place. But they seem to be the few.

So what gives the Doubting Twin its power to oppress? How come so many of us are determined to see ourselves as bad? Why are we so committed to failure and being less than expected?

Self oppression serves a purpose

It must do or we would have stopped doing it by now. So the trick is to understand the pay off – what does the Doubting Twin save us from doing? What sort of life would we need to lead if we were fearless and strong?

What would we need to say and to whom? What challenges, delights or conflicts might come our way? And how would we have to see ourselves?

Personal oppression is a tough gig, but trying to override it is only ever of short term benefit.

That Doubting Twin has a life – and a purpose – of its own.

It’s oppressive now, but positive at heart. The trick is to find that purpose and turn it to our advantage.

If you want to take part in this research – anonymously if you wish – and help me find the key to the Doubting Twin, please drop me a line judith@judithlearyjoyce.com