POLYAMORY: A More Indepth Look

POLY-WHAT?

It is the consensual, ethical, and responsible practice of non-monogamy

Untitled Slide

Poly Myth Busting:

Cheating

• The relationship(s) aren't hidden or secret

Just About Sex

• It isn't an excuse for indiscriminate promiscuity
• It isn't swinging or wild orgies

Polygamy

• Nope, you can't just build a harem

Inability to Commit

• Commitment needn't be defined by exclusivity

Fine, then what IS polyamory?

Simply put, it is being open to the possibility of loving more than one person

Connection

• Whether romantic, sexual, platonic, or a mix, it is all about connecting

Relationship Models

The V

• One person is the pivot point
• Beth is married to Steven and has a boyfriend, Paul
• Steven and Paul may or may not interact

The Triad

• Beth, Steven, and Paul are all intimately involved

Polycule

• A catch all phrase that describes the interconnections within a poly family or group
• Can include various numbers of people and relationship types

 http://en.paperblog.com/diagrams-and-discoveries-441334/

Mono/Poly Combo

• One partner identifies as polyamorous while the other prefers monogamy

How do you make it all work??

Communication

• willingness to learn new ways to communicate
• give voice to needs and feelings

Honesty/Transparency

• There is no room for dishonesty, none.
• If you feel like you have to hide a new relationship or connection, you need to reevaulate YOUR behavior

Consent

Untitled Slide

• If one or more of your partners doesn't know what's going on, they can't give their consent!
• Can be emotional consent, sexual consent, ect...

Rules and Agreements

• Rules- often set to protect the original relationship
• Agreements- All parties have input

Time Management

• You learn to juggle quickly!!
• Calenders are essential
• Quality often must trump quantity

Don't get so caught up in the your poly fantasy that you forget your partners are real people with real feelings. Treat them as such!

But what about???

Jealousy

• Yep!!
• Find the trigger
• Deconstruct the feeling

Managing the green-eyed moster!!

Untitled Slide

• "Externalizing your feelings, and assuming that you have a right to be comfortable all the time, is neither reasonable nor compassionate." Franklin Veaux

Why are you feeling jealous?

• Insecurity? What makes you feel secure?
• Fear? What are you afriad of losing?
• Find the real cause of jealousy and confront it, sooner rather than later.
• Not always a bad thing, sometimes we have alarm bells for a reason!!!!

Insecurity

• Practice security rather insecurity
• share your feelings with your partner(s) even if they seem irrational

Comparison

• If ___ is better at ____, you won't love me anymore.
• People aren't interchangable

Resources

• Locally: Cincinnati Polyamory Meetup group
• Books: Opening Up, Beyond Two, The Ethical Slut
• www.morethantwo.com