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Kids Say the Darndest Things,

Published on Nov 06, 2015

wife mother daughter sister friend school psychologist and now, suddenly, unexpected homeschooler, gifted advocate, and blogger.


Kids Say the Darndest Things,


T, did you know drinking tub water is pretty gross? It has dirt. And I peed in here by mistake.

Photo by familymwr

How do animals itch their bums?

Mom is migrating today. That means she has a really, really bad headache.

Photo by quinn.anya

Did you just toot? Or was that a musket in the distance?

Why is T drooling like a komodo dragon?


Do reindeer poop candy canes?

Photo by WELS.net

Do you know I’ve been practicing how to draw snails for many, many years?

Photo by me'nthedogs

God made everything. He made Papa and frogs and water buffalo.

Photo by fvfavo

What do frogs do when they get mad at you?

Photo by Zanthia

I don’t want a FRUIT serving, I want a FOOD serving and the food can be CHEESE.

Photo by arbyreed

You are really cute but you have goofy looking baby nipples.

Photo by Mr Stucke

Why do elves have pointy ears like Great Danes?

When you said,“Jesus Christ!” were you praying about my bad behavior?

Photo by C Jill Reed

Can you wipe T’s boogie holes? She keeps trying to smooch me and it’s a little bit gross.

Photo by slimninja

When I grow up, I’m going to be a SPOOKY GHOST AND HAUNT YOUR ATTIC!

Do werewolves poop?

Photo by DailyPic

I wasn’t bouncing on the couch. I was just rocking out to cool Christmas tunes!

Photo by Funchye

Do scarecrows scare away the peacocks also?

Photo by Nick Kenrick.

Stay away from clowns at the parade. They will bite you.

Photo by agelakis

Can bunnies go up your nose?

Photo by ((carola))

I’ll pee on the potty when I grow a penis.

Photo by thejbird

Do roosters shoot eggs out of their bums?

Roosters are BOYS. I bet there is a penis somewhere under all the feathers.

Photo by claumoho

Is Santa resting right now? Sitting up on his pole?

I have some not-so-good news for you. I think T taught Seuss how to say “bum.”

Do people walk in Heaven? I’m just wondering if I’ll need my shoes up there.

I’m going to hug you for the rest of your life!!!

Photo by gagilas

My brain is really itchy!

Photo by Auntie P

Mumma, could you please focus on making me a snack?

Photo by Wendy Copley

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the hummus sandwich. Hayman.

My sheets are grumpy! Smooth the krinkles from my bed!

Why are my feet always SO SWEATY?!?!

Photo by Vermin Inc

I don’t think that is yak poop. I think it’s actually just a pile of beans.

Photo by Jeff Kubina

Do you think Jesus knows I turned four?

Photo by @Doug88888

We have a parade because of Paul. Paul told the red guys, “Hey! You can’t be the boss of us!” and ran away on his horse and they all shot fireworks out of cannons and it was beautiful.

Do you know that sometimes it feels good for me to whine?

It smells like a cow’s bum in here!

Photo by Liamfm .



Created by: Cait Fitz

Mother, School psychologist, & unexpected homeschooler

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