Things in my house aren't the same as they used to be and they never will be. how could they be with everything that's happened. This sadness just surrounds my house following me everywhere I go. It feels impossible to escape it at this point. I'm trapped in this stage of limbo with nowhere to go. A numbing feeling takes over me at all times. Everywhere I look I see the memories of him walking, his smile, the laughter. That's all I have now are the memories, but the memories aren't enough to fill this void I feel in my heart. All my mouth wants to do is talk about it and my mind does not, I'm tired of always being reminded of it. There's a dark cloud over my house filled with sadness and anger. You can feel it in the house, the energy well it's just not the same.

Being the only girl out of four boys isn't the worst thing in the world you know. Put aside the countless jokes and pranks and things aren't that bad after all that's what brothers are here for right? When I was younger I actually would always get my older brothers into trouble about the things they didn't even do. They might get annoying at times and make me want to pull my hair out of my head. I wouldn't ever wish something terrible to happen upon any of them. My oldest brother Pedro well he was always the sarcastic one and there was never a time i was around him when he could't make me laugh even when he would act like fool. The truth is that all I have now are memories of him.. because he's gone and he's not coming back. He passed away you see about a month ago and memories are the only thing that I have now. I find it hard to talk about them because who wants to think about something that they'll never have again. I miss him a lot and I always will and this

The last time I went to a dance was last October when I attended the Riverbend homecoming dance. I love getting all dressed up, and seeing everyone looking all fancy.
Sometime I also like to just dance around in my room when I'm alone and u can blast my music as loud as I want to and I don"t have to worry about anything. It's really relaxing and makes me laugh and smile.
I went to a quinceanera one time and I had no idea how to dance to that kind of music cause my mom never taught me, but my friends Brian and Joseph taught me how to dance to some of the songs and it was a great way for me to finally learn ow to dance to mexican music

I was watching a show one time it was called the Vampire diaries and eventually the girl in it became a vampire but she was sired to the vampire who bit her and there were a lot of complications with all of that.

I've never been a twig in my life. nor do I ever plan to because who wants to be a twig like that's not very attractive to me. Everyone should have some meat on there bones. in fact its not even healthy to be a twiggy little thing. People who are like that probably have a lot of self esteem problems and I would be if i was a little thing like that too.

My nana used to always forget that I don't speak fluent spanish like she can and would always speak to me in this jibber jabber that I never understood and I'd always have to stare at her with this blank look on my face. She'd get frustrated with my dad because he nor my mother ever enforced speaking spanish in the house hold or outside of it. We have to speak english anyways to go to school. my nana still trys to talk to me in spanish and then translates after she's said what she needed to say

My hair used to be so long I refused to cut it even a few centimeters for a whole year. I finally just cut it about 2 months ago, up to my shoulders and I honestly love it, makes me feel so sassy. It's also really easy to manage, it takes me like 15 minutes to straighten my hair now.

I don't really have a story for this one, it just really spoke to me because That's exactly how I am. I guess it's kind of hard to explain but to want to love and never get love back is one of the worst feelings in the world. You pray and pray and pray that when you find someone that they'll love you as much as you love them or even more.. but that never happens for me. It makes me want to stop trying like I don't know what to do.. it makes me feel worthless and hopeless and that leads me to think that it'd be fine if I was gone.. like if i could just leave this world I would, but I can't and I find that so unfair. everyday in my head the thought plays in my head and it gets louder and louder everyday.. just I honestly want to die and that's whats going on in my head day in and out.. is that I want to die.

He sang me spanish lullabies, and I'll never forget the way he would smile at me when I'd tell him how cute he was.. It's hard to forget to someone who gave you so much to remember.. I still have his watch, and it just sits there on my shelf. I think i should throw it out sometimes or maybe even give it back.. but I mean honesty I don't want to. I want to keep it forever and even though it brings back the pain to see it and the memories.. for me it's still is worth it to keep it around. When I see him in person in public I just have no idea what to do, I try to avoid him the best I can cause we have nothing to talk about anymore. We literally haven't spoken a word to each other in basically six months. It's sad in a way I think.. like he meant so much to me and he actually always will like I fell in love with this guy. I'm always going to love him and I'm always going to care for him. Someone like that you can't just take them out of you're head forever.. There are sometimes when I think about us and how we used to be. I haven't even deleted our pictures, like I literally haven't brought myself to the point yet where I can delete them. I actually think one day maybe this year I'll be able to do it, I honestly hope that I will.