Lucky kid in S. Indiana
*Alone but lots of freedom to roam safely
*Intuitive-projective Fowler stage: cacti example
*Orchard sanctuary in tall grass and clouds
*Seeds of being able to have sense of wonder while outdoors
*God talk at home mixed with Dad's optimism

Conventional-Institutional (institution provides stability):
*Move to Milan Baptist
*Baptism
*"Can't carry water on Sunday"
*Dad's encounter overheard
*Hell fire sermon and "God is Love" moment

Institutional stability interrupted early. But remained in conventional stage with changes:

*Shoe moment/speaking in tongues
*Gun in pulpit
*Rogue Youth Group
*Folk music & idealism provided new stability

Planted seeds for skepticism about human aspect of institutions and religion yet conventional re more liberal Protestant beliefs

Fowler Phase 4: Individualistic-Reflective (Skeptical)
*Freshman break from Christian community
*Polarization of the war
*Break from a prominent Presbyterian minister
*Support by another minister following arrest and expulsion
*Academic interests and rebellion/anger; Sophomoric Nietzsche reading
*Confusion about future and lack of structure
*Nixon/Thank heavens for Walter Croncite
*Seeds of more engaged commitment to social justice and realization of national lies

Unmoored but discovering:

*Our views and perceptions can be altered and are transient
*Excitement of community
*Experiences of hurting others
*Loss of sense of direction
*Beginnings of interests in Eastern mysticism and philosophy of perception
*Seeds of learning my need to be grounded and present to everyday necessities (mindful)

Calvin Schrag and others helped me replace conventional institutional stability with new models:
*Post war philosophy and need to make own meaning
*Buber: philosophy of relationship and dialogue
*Eastern thought
*Value of "healthy skepticism" to look at underlying assumptions
Seeds of Fowler's "conjunctive phase": "seeing outside the box and realizing there are other boxes"

My love of Lee associated with accepting and wanting to be rooted:
*Less in clouds, more present
*Strengthening of my morality
*Desire for family and ties to our families
*Acceptance of need for commitment to a career path

Grounded to commitments and everyday responsibilities:
*Uplift of fathering and play
*Mindfulness of the details of strengthened
*Learning to see world through eyes of our girls
*Moments while camping, hiking, home etc.
*Opening of heart to parents and co-workers
*Suspended concerns about "life's persistent questions"

30 years tied to career in community mental health in variety of roles:
*More able to live by values of care and connection
*Creative collaboration with strong women
*Growth through teaching and being a model
*Growth by witnessing changes unfold and people overcome severe adversity
*From "fixing" to midwifing

*Empty nest
Death of parents
*Disappearance of neighborhood
*Retirement
*Relocation
*Down sizing to small house
*Sense of adventure of shaping a new phase of our lives
*Joy of helping with rearing of grandchildren
@Deeper sense of uncertainty and attachment to achievements and former roles
Stronger impulse to connect with a sangha and a church

*Mystery vs. mystery as problem to be solved
*Getting more unhooked from my own opinions, ideas and words
*Value of meditation to "show up" and be grounded & present
*Value of meta-logical qualities such as compassion, kindness, awe and equinimity
*Value of silence as response to tangle of metaphysical and religious beliefs
*Reclaiming "God" as an ineffable, uncertain hope we can work towards but not know
Stage 5?

*Embracing Mystery and paradoxical nature of life
*Live life in full sense for others without doubts and without attachment former self idenity
"Finding truth in earlier stages of life" and acceptance of others at every stage
*(Rumi Poem)

*How to deal with my fears and doubts about our world and well being of next generations
*How to create a Credo that will be useful to grandchildren and yet true?
*Are there others at UUCC who can relate to being a religious agnostic?
*"Other times I can barely see" still true for me. How might I have steady experience of faith?
*Are there models for stage six? Is it in reach?

Stage Six Possible Before I shuffle off:
*Treating any person with compassion
*Staying present to all moments as they are
*Feeling steady connection with universal community of living
*Steady, spiritually grounded commitment to liberty and justice and to well being of future generations
*Connection with Mystery