Dev Writing Creating Rich Description

Review

• Kahoot! Review from last week
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Today's Scripture

• Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through him who strengthens me"

Write down your response...

• Explain why you should eliminate “Dead Words” from your writing.

Theory
There is no such thing as neutral text.
All text has opinion and bias.

Explicit Opinion (First Person)

• I think Jack Bauer is the most courageous character on TV.
• In my opinion, Jack Bauer is the greatest hero ever.

Implicit Opinion (Third Person)

So...

• You don’t need “I” statements to make your opinion known.
• You express your opinion by the words you choose!

Choosing the right word

• Consider that words may have different connotations in different contexts skinny/thin/slender fat/plump/robust
• The words you choose paint the picture in the way you want your reader to interpret it…

For example
“Cozy 2-bedroom, 2-bath house, vintage fixtures, rustic design, in secluded, quiet area of town.”

And it Looks like this

Using Expanded Noun Phrases

• Avoid simple sentence constructions with the same/similar subject.
• Instead, replace some with ENPs to add dimension AND opinion.
• Caution: Use like salt. A little goes a long way!

Jack Bauer Draft— Participant Tracking

Jack Bauer, Revision

Finding New Words

• A thesaurus is your friend!
• However, don’t just pick the first word that you see!
• Determine the message you are trying to get across

When Good Words Go Bad

Sad and dejected from his argument with Gloria, Bruce walked the twenty blocks home in the rain.
“Walked” is kind of boring. Find something more descriptive in the thesaurus.

From Thesaurus.com

When Good Words Go Bad

Sad and dejected from his argument with Gloria, Bruce advanced the twenty blocks home in the rain.


-Picked first word listed, but doesn’t really reflect the mood of the sentence
-“advanced” implies “at good speed” or
“in a hurry”

When Good Words Go Bad

Sad and dejected from his argument with Gloria, Bruce slogged the twenty blocks home in the rain.

-If we check Dictionary.com, “slog”
means “to walk or plod heavily”

-This more accurately reflects the mood
and is a more appropriate choice.

The Moral of the Story is…

• Never just pick the first word that meets your eye!
• Consider the context in which you will be using the new word: -What is the “mood” you are trying to convey? -What is the picture you wish to paint with your words?
• Consult dictionary-check meaning of new word to make sure it reflects intent

Dead Words

• Students doing a paragraph or essay often use the same words over and over to describe their position or information
• Such as good, bad, sad, etc.

Expectations

• Original example must show some context to help convey the meaning:
• Not acceptable: “He is very giving.”
• Acceptable: “His giving nature is illustrated in the scene where he sells all his possessions to give the money to Kate.”

Sample Dead Word: Boring

• Subject: Insipid
• Definition: without distinctive, interesting, or stimulating qualities
• Original Example: It is difficult to stay awake during Dr. A’s insipid grammar lectures.

Activity Instructions

Read the following paragraph and underline the “dead words.” Then rewrite the paragraph replacing the dead words with more lively, energetic words. After you have revised your wording, think about the effect of the revised paragraph.

“Hey Mike, I just heard something really interesting,” said Kate. “Jennie thinks you’re nice and cute too.” Mike was happy when he heard this. He dropped his stuff and looked happily at Kate. Then he began to move around in an excited way. He went down the hallway fast and said, “Wow.” He accidentally ran into the principal in the doorway. The principal was unhappy and told Mike to calm down. Mike said he was sorry and moved away from Mr. Johnson. Then he turned and walked sadly back to Kate, and she said, “Let’s go find Jennie.”