1 of 54

Slide Notes

DownloadGo Live

Copia de Think Your Colleague is Prickly? Imagine Negotiating with Donald Trump

Former Ambassador to the United States Derek Burney Offers Key Insights on Working with Difficult People. By Michael Labun, Freelance Workshop Facilitator. Find him at www.bebetteratwork.com

PRESENTATION OUTLINE

Think Your Colleague is Prickly?

Imagine Negotiating with Donald Trump 
Photo by Michael Vadon

Former Ambassador to the United States Derek Burney Offers Five Key Insights on Working with Difficult People

In many ways, Justin Trudeau and Donald Trump are opposites

..on issues like:

  • Immigration
  • Gender
  • Diversity
Photo by Tortured Mind

More pressing is the fact that the new president of the US wants to re-negotiate the North American Free Trade Agreement ASAP.

If you're Trudeau, you lead a country that has 65% of its foreign trade with the United States, so this is an important deal.

Photo by Gamma Man

To a greater or lesser degree, each of us has a Donald Trump in our lives: a tough, prickly, sometimes even immoral person we wish didn't have to deal with.

Photo by Howlsthunder

How do you negotiate with such people?

In a recent interview, former ambassador to the United States Derek Burney had some advice for the new Trudeau/Freeland team.

Photo by MDGovpics

As a conflict resolution coach, I was struck by how universally applicable Burney's techniques were:

Photo by reynermedia

Burney's Negotiation Advice

  • Your relationship matters - a lot
  • Note the bark but focus on the bite
  • Be both relaxed and circumspect
Photo by Daniel Y. Go

I'll deal with each of these, one at a time

I'll also provide a four-step model for dealing with difficult people
Photo by B Tal

1. Your relationship matters

- a lot
Photo by JD Hancock

Therefore beware of the tendency...

...to focus on differences 
Photo by pjan vandaele

If Trudeau were to talk with Trump about sexism or racism, it is unlikely they settle their differences.

Photo by babasteve

Burney said, "It's much more constructive... to stake out areas of common ground and try to find agreement..."

He raised his voice and spoke with passion, ".... find areas of common ground, that's the best way to get attention..."

Even unrelated similarities can help lubricate interactions.

"Personal relations are the most critical item in the diplomatic tool bag," he asserted.

Photo by Gulfu

For example, Trump and Trudeau are both dealmakers who know how to work the media.

Photo by WmPitcher

When Jimmy Carter negotiated the Camp David Accords

Photo by Jeff Kubina

Even though he and Menachem Begin didn't get along as well,

Carter broke the ice when he made an emotional connection with the Israeli Prime Minister

Photo by arbyreed

He met with him and said, "You know, this is not just for us. This is for our grandchildren."

Photo by TheElders

Carter gave Begin gifts for each of his grandchildren, with their names already on the gifts.

Photo by seanmcgrath

Begin was deeply moved. The Camp David Accord was signed later that day.

Personal connection in a negotiation has changed and can change the world.

Photo by kenteegardin

2. Note the bark

...but focus on the bite 
Photo by Aine D

Burney pointed out that what a public figure says to the media can be different from what they negotiate behind closed doors.

Photo by DonkeyHotey

Tellingly, on Trump's own website, the dialogue on NAFTA does not even mention Canada, just Mexico.

While we should always be prepared that people might make good on their threats, it's also important to make it easy for the person to back down without trapping them in their words.

will soften in a negotiation:

So to increase the chances that your prickly person 
Photo by meliarose

Softening Your Prickly Person

  • Prepare by guessing what they want
  • Begin by making a relational connection
  • Get them talking about their needs (find out what they really want)
  • When it's your turn:
Photo by kittenfc

When it's your turn

  • Happily point out areas of agreement
  • Before discussing your bottom line, give reasons for your bottom line

When possible, act as though they would have a different opinion if they had the complete information about where you're coming from

Photo by peetje2

Bear in mind that the reasons for your position need to be addressed, more than your position

Photo by @YannGarPhoto

I have had many negotiations where I never staked out exactly what I wanted; just named the reasons I wanted to keep talking.

Photo by Very Quiet

I have had many negotiations where I never staked out exactly what I wanted; just named the reasons I wanted to keep talking.

Photo by johnnybelmont

When I do that, I find I often get MORE of what I want.

Photo by Phani.Kumar

When it's your turn, continued

  • Happily point out areas of agreement
  • Before discussing your bottom line, give reasons for your bottom line
  • Name the disagreement succinctly, as a joint problem to be solved
Photo by colemama

Do this in two steps

Photo by ffela

First, ask the other party, "What's your goal here today?" Get them to re-state their purpose. Usually they are there to negotiate.

Photo by NathanF

Second, summarize both parties' needs by describing the problem in one sentence:

Photo by PeterThoeny

"So our purpose today is to negotiate an agreement so that you get as much of _______ as possible and we get as much of _______ as possible...

Photo by twoody291

"Let's roll up our sleeves and figure out how we can best get that for our people."

Photo by RobertFrancis

3. Be both relaxed and circumspect

Burney summed up his thoughts:

Photo by Scott*

"I don't think we should be complacent but I don't think we should set our hair on fire, either.

"I think we should keep our cool, be vigilant, and engage with the administration."

Photo by Marc Wathieu

Burney's advice is good for all of us.

Photo by JD Hancock

Burney's Negotiation Advice

  • Your relationship matters - a lot
  • Note the bark but focus on the bite
  • Be both relaxed and circumspect
Photo by Vandy CFT

Softening Your Prickly Person

  • Prepare by guessing what they want
  • Begin by making a relational connection
  • Get them talking about their needs (find out what they really want)
  • When it's your turn:
Photo by jessicafm

When it's your turn

  • Happily point out areas of agreement
  • Before or instead of discussing your bottom line, give the reasons for your bottom line
  • Name the disagreement succinctly, as a joint problem to be solved
Photo by Bogdan Suditu

For 20 years Michael Labun has been a mediator, conflict resolution coach and workshop facilitator. He has worked across Canada with Government, Businesses and Not-For-Profit agencies, helping them resolve conflict. You can find him at www.
bebetteratwork
.com