Bully Vs. Conflict

What is conflict?

• A conflict is generally a disagreement or difference that happens when people want or have a different opinion on things. The people involved in a conflict have equal power to solve the problem and are both feeling distress or emotional upset. Their intent is NOT to cause emotional or physical harm *

What is bullying?

• Bullying is a persistent pattern of emotional or physically harmful behavior that involves an imbalance of power
• The behavior is intentional, repeated over time, and only one party has feelings of distress

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Examples of Conflict:

• Two friends accidentally leave a classmate out of a game
• Good-natured teasing that goes too far
• Two students argue over place in the lunch line/going first
• Group of students argue over an opinion
• A group of students feel one student did not do their share of work on a project

Examples of Bullying

• Repeatedly spreading rumors and writing negative comments on a peers social media
• Excluding student from playing daily/weekly
• Physically intimidating a peer or younger student to take their belongings
• Pushing, hitting, tripping, and other physical aggression to peer or younger student over and over
• Name calling and teasing a peer or younger student to embarrass them

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Is it bullying or conflict?

An older student waits outside the cafeteria each day to grab the lunch of a third grader. He takes his dessert and then throws the rest away, threatening to punch him if he tells.

That is an example of bullying. Why?
*an imbalance of power
*behavior is repeated
*the intent is for power and material gain

Three second graders are playing at recess. One of them gets out during the game. The child pushes the winner, calls her a name and stomps off.

This is an example of conflict. Why?
*There is equal power
*The behavior is an emotional reaction to a problem
*The problem can be discussed and behavior can change
*This appears to be a one time occurance

Two 6th grade best friends have an argument on who made their soccer team lose the big game. That evening one of them writes a nasty, hurtful comment on their social media page.

This is an example of conflict. Why?
*There is a balance of power
*The behavior is an emotional reaction
*Both parties are in distress
*The problem can be discussed and behavior can change
*The behavior has not been repeated over time

Two fifth graders are eating lunch with their group of friends they have hung out with since kinder. One of them teases the other one about his freckles daily. At first both boys laugh, until today, when the boy with the freckles yells and throws his lunch.

This is an example of conflict. Why?
*There is a balance of power
*The intention is not to cause pain
*The problem can be discussed and the behavior can change

So what about RUDE, MEAN, and TEASING behavior?

Rude, Mean, Teasing...

• A student laughs at a peer's answer during class
• A student rolls their eyes when a peer is their class partner
• A student teases their friend about their speech when they get a new retainer
• A classmate tells everyone what a peer's failing grade is

Knowing is just the beginning!

Know the warning signs:

• • Not wanting to go to school or participate in extra-curricular activities; lower performance in school • Anxious, fearful, and irritable • Low self-esteem-makes negative comments about him/herself • Regular complaints of stomach aches, headaches, etc. • Threatens to hurt him/herself or others • Significant changes in social life

Know the warning signs:

• • Aggressive with siblings, parents, teachers, friends and animals • Bossy/manipulative to get their way • Coming home with unexplained objects or money • Easily frustrated and quickly angered • Believe aggression is an acceptable way to resolve conflicts • Gets into fights and blame others for starting them • Have friends who are also aggressive • Quick to interpret accidents or neutral events as deliberate hostile acts

What do we do to help?

Empathy is a verb

• Model it
• Intentionally teach it
• Discuss it
• Practice it

Look behind the behavior, what is the NEED?

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