Sometimes relationships will last forever. Sometimes they won't. Ending a relationship is a normal part of life. Regardless of how normal it is, it's never an easy task. (The goal is not to direct students into the "proper' way of ending a relationship. The goal is to allow them to make their own educated decisions on ending a relationship).


Unit Goals
-Learn & brainstorm methods of breaking up
-Critically think and assess methods of breaking up
-Apply knew found knowledge and skills
-Learn about possible after effects of breaking up

There's plenty of reasons to end a relationship, and every one has their own reasons. What are some reasons you think someone may end a relationship with someone? (Ask students to list off reasons they may break up)

Here's a list of reasons as well:

1. Difference in values
2. Growing apart - sometimes as we grow and age, we realize that we are not the same people we used to be. This could result in no longer being compatible.
3. One or both of you aren't able to be supportive of the other
4. Trust is irreparable
5. Giving up - knowing that things aren't great but not wanting to fix them
6. Different expectations for the relationship - what does it mean to be a friend? Best friend? Romantic partner?

Keep in mind that no relationship is perfect. Every relationship has its ups and downs. It's up to you to figure when it's too much. You have to decide when a relationship is no longer worth it.

Breaking up isn't easy. Just because it seems like the logical next step it doesn't make it a simple task.

*Ask students what makes breaking up hard?

When relationships end, they can be freeing, but they also can hurt. No one wants to experience pain.



*Touch back on points of constraints and attachment

Making the decision to end a relationship is a big step. Once you're confident that it's the right choice, you now have to make a decision. The first part is how. There are many ways to end a relationship.

Ghosting can be defined as intentionally ignoring all communication (texts, calls, etc) from someone. This can result in it looking like one has disappeared from someone's life (LeFebvre, 2017)

In romantic relationships about 25% of people have been ghosted, while 20% have ghosted others (LeFebvre, 2017)

In friendships about 31.7% of people have been ghosted, while 38.6% have ghosted a friend (LeFebvre, 2017)

What are the pros of ghosting?

What are the cons of ghosting?

When may ghosting be acceptable for you?

When would it not be acceptable for you?

What do you think your reaction would be if someone ghosted you?

What do you think the reaction of someone else would be if you ghosted them?

LeFebvre, L. (2017). Ghosting as a relationship dissolution strategy in the technological age. In N. M. Punyanunt-Carter & J. S. Wrench (Eds.), The impact of social media in modern romantic relationships (pp. 219–235). New York, NY: Lexington Books

Another option is to break up through the use of messaging, such as texting, emailing, or social media messages.

What are the pros of using texts?

What are the cons of using texts?

When may texting be acceptable for you?

When would it not be acceptable for you?

What do you think your reaction would be if someone ended it with you over text?

What do you think the reaction of someone else would be if it was ended over text?

Another option could also be breaking up in person. This would look like telling someone one on one, not in public, the relationship is over.

This method may be the hardest of all, because you're there's no space between you two like there would be with ghosting or texting. You will see that person's reaction, which may be hard to see.

Since this method doesn't involve you being able to type sentences out and get your words exactly right, keep these thoughts in mind:
1. Think about what you'll say
2. Be honest and clear

What are the pros of ending it in person?

What are the cons of ending it in person?

When may ending it in person be acceptable for you?

When would it not be acceptable for you?

What do you think your reaction would be if someone ended it with you in person?

What do you think the reaction of someone else would be if it was ended in person?

What other ways could you end a relationship?

What might you do differently depending on the type of relationship (friendship, romantic, etc.)?

Yes you have very valid reasons to end a relationship with someone. You deserve to be respected and have the relationship you want. However, that doesn't mean you should rudely end that relationship. Even if they don't fit in your life, they still have feelings. Think about if you were on the receiving end. How would want someone to end a relationship with you?

Now that we've talked about different ways to end a relationship, let's make some decisions.

*Read off each scenario and ask for how they would break up*

You met your partner via Instagram and have been dating for the past two months. For the first two weeks you both would stay up all night, texting one another and communicating throughout most of the day. Now you're having second thoughts. It's been a week, and you're barely talking to your partner. Your partner is starting to get frustrated, and thinks you're possibly losing interest. In reality, you do find yourself thinking that long-distance isn't good idea.

Would you end this relationship? Why or why not?

When would you know to end this relationship?

How would you end this relationship?

What are the pros?

What are the cons?

You and your partner have been dating for four months. You both attend the same school, and graduate in May. Due to your value of education, you will be attending college in the fall. Your partner does not have the same value of education, and will not being going to college. With only one of you going to college, you're afraid that you both may end up on different life trajectories. However, you both really love each other, and you think they *may* be the one.

Would you end this relationship? Why or why not?

When would you know to end this relationship?

How would you end this relationship?

What are the pros?

What are the cons?

You and your partner have been "talking" for the last few weeks. You recently found out that your partner has been seeing another person during this time. Up to this point, the relationship has not been explicitly defined. It has only been stated you like each other. You want exclusivity, but you're not sure how where your partner stands.

Would you end this relationship? Why or why not?

When would you know to end this relationship?

How would you end this relationship?

What are the pros?

What are the cons?

So now yo've navigated how to end a relationship, but what do you do now? What comes next? Have you gotten the hardest part out of the way

Link to Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0GQSJrpVhM

What are the main takeaways you have?

He mentions being heartbroken is like being in withdrawals. What do you think? (tie it back to love chemicals)

He mentions having a list of bad things about the person. While that's optional, how do you think you should view someone you ended a relationship with?

He also mentions about someone being heartbroken for a year, but having this idea that they should already be over it. Do you agree? How long should someone be heartbroken?

Play video over heartbreak
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cw2qD87KDHc

(I like this one better, but I do want to have something about how hard break ups can be. I feel like 2 videos back to back may be excessive.)

What are the overall takeaways?

Do you think it's true positives can come from a break up?

When do you think the process of learning things about life or yourself starts? Immediately after a break up? A week later? A month?

In the video he talks about people categorizing their break up as negative, neutral, or positive? Why do you think they felt that way?

With many relationships there might be feelings grief, guilt, and/or ambiguous loss. Ambiguous loss can be defined as the feelings of grief that are experienced after something has ended, without clarity or closure.

This can look like questioning if something was your fault, there's something wrong with you, etc. Many people also feel pain for losing the relationship they thought was perfect, and the future they thought they had.

These feelings may hurt but are completely normal.

In times like these, these tips may be helpful:
1. Crying as a way to release your emotions
2. Take care of yourself by getting sleep, eating, etc
3. Stay busy like do your normal hobbies, hang out with our friends, don't isolate yourself.
4. Be patient and give yourself time - Rome wasn't built in a day

Boss, Pauline (1999). Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief. Cambridge, Massachusetts: Harvard University Press

Gavin, M. L. (Ed.). (2018, August). Getting Over a Break-Up (for Teens). Retrieved from https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/broken-heart.html

Cycling can be defined as a relationship pattern where a couple breaks up and gets back together again.

Many in cyclical relationships may experience less relational satisfaction, negative communication, impulsivity, and confusion of the future.

Cycling has also been shown to be toxic to the relationship and the person's general well being.

Couples that cycle can be saved, however there needs to be attention put toward a few things. Couples need to put in effort to build a safe relationship, engage in relationship maintenance activities, and have clear communication of feelings, expectations, etc.

Dailey, R. M., Pfiester, A., Jin, B., Beck, G., & Clark, G. (2009). On‐again/off‐again dating relationships: How are they different from other dating relationships?. Personal Relationships, 16(1), 23-47.

Dailey, R. M., Middleton, A. V., & Green, E. W. (2011). Perceived relational stability in on-again/off-again relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 29(1), 52-76. doi:10.1177/0265407511420192

Vennum, A., Lindstrom, R., Monk, J. K., & Adams, R. (2014). “It’s complicated” The continuity and correlates of cycling in cohabiting and marital relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 31(3), 410-430.

Think about what you want - do you want this relationship? Do you think this relationship is good for you?

Think about what you may do or say - think of the reaction someone may have. Be kind and considerate of them. That can look like planning on what to say. "Just wingin' it" may be harder on a break up than intended

Be honest and clear - you can be honest without being rude. Sharing your experience of the relationship is ok. Don't be vague with a break up. Be sure to establish expectations for what will be changing.


Lyness, D. (Ed.). (2014, August). How to Break Up Respectfully (for Teens). Retrieved February 10, 2019, from https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/break-up.html