Computers & Writing 2014
June 6, 2014
Pullman, WA

This presentation examines user success stories from popular dating site eHarmony as confessional discourse. I argue that these narratives, in conjunction with eHarmony's functionality, work to reify "traditional marriage" during this period of destabilization and transformation by converting dangerous single subjects to the (re)productive couple.

I begin by briefly reviewing Foucault's notion of biopolitics and the conditions during which it emerged. Next, I provide an overview of historical and contemporary contexts for matchmaking. Then, I discuss the results of my examination of eHarmony success stories and position them as confessional discourses. I end by offering some implications.

Throughout, I draw on Foucault's conception of biopolitics, and on screen is a quick reminder and kind of definition, developed during his lectures at the College de France and published in the History of Sexuality, Volume 1.

While discussion of sex had long been an expected component of confession, its treatment shifted during the Counter Reformation. With the increased attention to self-examination and penance, the focus on confessions of the flesh moved from detailed description of sexual acts to thorough cataloging all sex-related transgressions, including dreams and thoughts.

Foucault argues that the confession is significant not only to the church but also to broader knowledge production in the West.

In addition to confession, sex became a concern of public interest. It is during this time that the state's concern shifts from a management of subjects as individual people to the management of population. It is at this point that a new biopolitical power develops.

During the same period that sexuality emerged and confessions shifted, marriage experienced some of its most significant transformations in the West.

In the contemporary United States, we see similar "struggles" as marriage and birth rates fall, and it is not surprising that new attempts to facilitate and manage procreative relationships have increased.

One biopolitical response to this problem of population is online dating.

Historically, matchmaking has been intended to facilitate marriages.

With religious, political, economic, and technological change, marriage and matchmaking have changed as well.

Today, confession is pervasive. We see it in the high-profile confessions of indiscretions by political and religious leaders, the rise of the literary genre of the memoir, over-sharing on social networking sites, and the proliferation of reality television programming and documentary-style sitcoms in which characters break the fourth wall.

This pervasiveness impacts subjectivity and subjection. Confession assumes an audience that compels it, develops truth by confirming obstacle to overcome, and transforms the confessor with its expression.

The very act of participating in online dating is confessional in nature. In another context, these first-person accounts might be called customer testimonials.

Although recommending is an act of epideictic rhetoric in which the recommender praises the recommended, success stories also include the elements of confession discussed previously.

A satisfied customer is not necessarily transformed.

As we will see, these success stories seem much more in line with the complex work of constructing subjects and stabilizing our understanding of relationship success than the endorsement of a matchmaking service.

On eHarmony, user-generated success stories are located on the public portion of the site, and visitors may read them without registering with the service. Although some of the content of stories might be different based on the section they're located in, the structure and content of eHarmony success stories are remarkably similar across categories.

As the example shows, each page includes a picture of the couple, their first names, their location, their status, and the date of their union.

Like the example here, all but two of the photographs show the happy couple touching—either holding hands, arms around waists, or faces cheek to cheek. Many of the entries feature professional-quality wedding or engagement portraits; few use candid photographs or snapshots. The couple is almost always smiling.

EHarmony success stories generally share three common traits: mention of relationship type, reference to author's reason for participating in online dating, and discussion of first date and proposal/wedding. In addition, success stories maintain a common tone that reflects the ideologies that are foundational to eHarmony.

The first trait all eHarmony success stories share is a mention of the couple's relationship type, and these narratives portray a "traditional" view of marriage. Indeed, marriage is the primary concern of all aspects of the site, of its marketing, and of the books authored by its founder. In addition, EH focuses exclusively on opposite-sex matching, and therefore all of its members have access to federally recognized marriage.

The second trait success stories shared is a reference to why the author either chose to join eHarmony or to use online dating generally. Interestingly, however, few people talk about how much time it takes to engage with eHarmony.

The third trait shared by most success stories is a discussion of the first date. This detailing of the relationship journey is the ritual through which eHarmony's understanding of success is articulated.

These descriptions, coupled with the account of the first date, create a trajectory, a feeling of logical progression from match to first date to engagement to marriage, a kind of fairy-tale narrative with a happy ending.

The tone of eHarmony's success stories also conveys an energy and earnestness that is representative of the belief systems endorsed by the site.

Early on in its relationship with users, eHarmony creates a narrow range of possibility and sets an expectation of reliability and trustworthiness—we see this in company's advertising campaigns featuring the site's grandfatherly founder, happy couples who met through the site, and claims of matching effectiveness as well as in the site's extensive personality testing, concealed matching procedures, and highly regimented communication process.

eHarmony success stories perform work beyond recommending the site to potential customers. They are confessional discourses that perform the important work of subjection by providing an audience, developing truth through the confession, and transforming the confessor.

Clearly, success on eHarmony is defined as marriage, and in studies of two other sites (Match.com and OKCupid), I found similar results.

Much of the management of unmarried adults has taken the form of voluntary participation in online dating and the perpetuation of established formations of relationship success—in other words, the heterosexual married couple—and online dating serves as a complex of techniques that helps the destabilized institution of marriage and family remain relevant.

You can reach me at
dawnshepherd@boisestate.edu
@drshephe
dawnatella.com