I am Mokie.
I am a VGG (Very Good Girl). My She is Casey. She is my special person.
Let's get a few things straight, favorite person.
You are a really great human except when you get angry or yell at me; then you magically transform into a scary monster dressed as my favorite person, which is totally weird and freaks me out. Nonetheless, I believe you are trainable. Sit. Stay. Learn.
She's a pretty good human, but sometimes it's like she forgets everything I've taught her.
I was telling my doggy pals about you just the other day. "She's SUCH a good human 99% of the time. She smells nice and gives me nice food and tosses a good stick, but I swear, that 1% of the time she is SO stubborn! I tell her I want to go for a walk with her and she just talks into the hand-held chat box, ignoring me! I mean, she KNOWS I want to go for a walk. So stubborn!" Your recall could use a little work. I mean, I bark when the UPS guy arrives within our zip code and YOU KEEP TALKING ON THE PHONE LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN HEAR ME! It's a good thing you're cute and I love you. Yeesh.
Talk to the paw, would-be Dog Whisperers!
POP QUIZ! Which makes more sense? I like to sleep on the couch because... A). Floor =ouch, comfort = couch OR.... B) I think you are a dog. Despite the fact that you bring home the bacon (errrr....food, but I do enjoy an occasional tidbit of bacon), provide the home, the walks, the scratches, all of which sounds like a lot of work and none of which sounds that much fun, I AM TRYING TO TAKE OVER YOUR LIFE. That cute "shake" trick that you love to show your friends? Merely a ploy to distract you while I STEAL YOUR IDENTITY!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!! Duh. The answer is B. The evil laugh is for anyone that believes I actually thought they were a dog and coincidentally did not sniff their crotch every time we greeted.
We like to chase things, dig holes, and chew on stuff. We're not bad, we are DOGS.
99% of the behaviors you don't like are just natural dog stuff. So maybe I try to go out the door before you. I really have to pee and can't seem to operate the doorknob. Plus, let's be honest, you walk kind of slowly, you know? I have places to go and pees to leave and squirrels to tree. If I pull toward them, it is because I think they are exciting and you haven't taught me a better way to earn access to them. I can learn new tricks, can you? Time for some human training...
I will be a good girl, but I need you to teach me how.
Dogs are generally happy to do what you want, but first, you need to show us what that is! The more you teach me how to be a good dog by doing GDT ("Good Dog Things"), the easier it is for me to be a VGG. If I do something you don't like, please don't yell or get mad. I really am not trying to make you get angry/scary and I would do the right thing if I knew what it was and that it might earn me something fun or yummy! Hey, we could even go to a class together. Have new adventures, try new treats, learn new things together... Isn't that why you wanted me in the first place?
All my favorite stuff is awesome!
Dogs like awesome stuff. Depending on who you ask, we like squirrel chasing, hot dog tasting, steak snacking, belly rub gettin', pond jumping, stick fetching, toy chasin', squeaking toys like maniacs, groundhog-hole-sniffing, running and playing, tugging, walking, splashing, dashing, biking, and hiking, to name a few things. What do you like? Sit? Down? Come? Weirdo. Sounds boring to me, but I will do what it takes to earn my good times. If we can trade the things you want (sit/down/come) for the things I want (NOMS and squirrels), it really is a win-win.
I will be RIGHT there. I just need to chase this squirrel real quick.
I am a dog, after all. What? Haven't you ever said, "I'll be there in a minute?!" My favorite thing in the world is chasing deer. I figure about 20,000+ years of evolution have gone into my development as a Bambi-chasing warrior princess, so that number of steak/bacon/hot dog bits for coming when called might tip the odds in your favor. But nobody's perfect, so when in doubt, a long line will keep me safe if you aren't sure I am ready to handle distractions when they crop up. Don't worry, we will both have more fun if you know I am safe. While chasing deer is a blast, I learned the hard way that porcupines are SPICY MEATBALLS!!! My Saint Bernard bro Cuba won't chase the deer. He just wants to hang around and see if anyone needs a rescue and doesn't even care about deer, bears, wabbits, or spicy porcupines. B-O-R-I-N-G. He's so white bread.
It's time for an intervention. Your butt is way too addicted to the couch.
Look, I know you're busy. At work all day, and when you come home, the machines with the lights and words and sounds suck the life right out of you. I mean, really, it is like someone superglued your bum to the couch. You know how people always speculate about the meaning of life? I can tell you one of the great missions in my life is to break your couch addiction. That way I rest my head on your knee, as if to say, "put down the iPad woman, let's go for a walk for the love of Dog," is exactly what it looks like. PUT. DOWN. THE. IPAD. WOMAN. WALK. NOW. FOR. THE LOVE. OF. DOG. SRSLY. Dogs hate iPads.
These are my besties.
I am a socially selective girl, but sure do like play time with my best mates. Not that your stick throwing isn't SAFAH (Super Awesome For A Human), because really, you're top-notch, but it's just not the same, you know? Some dogs don't like other dogs at all, and I totally respect that too. I've met some real creeps in my day, like the guy that attacked us at the park or that humpy Boxer from camp last year. I get it. Some folks just have no manners at all. Pick my friends carefully, k?
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